The first of two common phases of relationship insecurity often include rhetorical questioning. Here you begin to ask questions like “Is he/she really interested in me?” or “Do you really think he/she likes me?” I believe there phase one questions do more harm than good when starting out in a relationship.
Then comes phase two: turning on self, you begin to question your looks, personality, basically anything that makes you, you. Phrases like “It’s because I’m losing my looks”. “He/She doesn’t think I’m fun anymore” tend to run through.
If we aren’t careful these case scenarios can be toxic to any of our close relationships leading to insecurities. Insecurities in a relationship can bounce back and forth from both partners, and both the cause and its cure dwell inside us alone.
Acting out of our insecurities can push one’s partner away, thus destroying a good relationship in the process. It’s, therefore, important to deal with insecurities without dragging our partners into them.
To do this, we follow these two steps:
- Uncover the real roots of the insecurity issue and
- Challenge our inner critic that constantly sabotages our relationships.
To uncover the origin of our insecurities, we need to focus on our past relationships.
Having a working model for a relationship that stems from early attachments shapes our adult relationships. Our attachment style determines what partner we’ll get and the dynamics that follow in our relationships. A strong and secure attachment pattern or style enables a person to be more confident and self-possessed. However, in the case of the opposite, an anxious attachment style breeds insecurities and low self-esteem. Knowing our style of attachment will help us forge relationships devoid of instances of insecurities.
In addition, our “critical inner voice“, is often the culprit in stoking fuel for insecurities, this is usually based on negative programming experienced in our past. For instance, if we grew up in a household where a parent struggled with self-hatred, or who constantly directed critical attitudes toward us, we carry these impacts into our adulthood.
Dealing with Relationship Insecurity
Once we challenge these negative attitudes, we also need to take actions going against our critical inner voice directives. Here are some helpful steps to take:
- Maintain your independence.
First and foremost we are individuals and we need to have that sense separating us from our partner. We shouldn’t lose our ‘self’ in order to become merged as a couple. Instead, each of us should focus on maintaining the unique aspects that attracted us to each other in the first place.
- Don’t act out despite how anxious you are.
Easier said than done. Acts of jealousy have the potential to hurt our partner, and also ourselves. Shunning such behaviors like snooping through their phones, constantly calling to see where they are, etc. need to be avoided and in the end, we’ll feel much stronger and more trustworthy.
- Don’t seek reassurance.
Remember, these attitudes originate from inside us and unless we overcome them ourselves, it won’t matter the degree of reassurance our partners give.
- Stop measuring and evaluating your partner.
- Always seek to ensure your relationship is equal in terms of maturity and kindnesses.
Don’t expect your partner to read your mind in order to know what is going on with you.
- Lastly, go all in
To avoid insecurities, consider committing to your partner. You can do this by getting yourselves wedding or engagement bands here. Javda Jewelry has a wide variety of both wedding and engagement rings. The 3 Stone Halo Diamond Engagement Emerald ring is a classic example!