The decision to get a divorce
According to E. Mavis Hetherington, who is a renowned divorce researcher. The process of divorce is too complicated to produce create winners and losers. Because individuals adjust in various ways, and the means of adapting fluctuates over time. It is these adjustments or adaptations. That makes the decision to get divorce one of the most difficult decisions to make. While research has revealed that getting a divorce may help in dangerous and unhealthy relationships. It has also shown that fixing a marriage may be the best course of action. However, for those who may choose to get a divorce. The question is: does divorce restore your happiness? This article will attempt to decipher this question using views of divorce experts and divorcees themselves.
1. Divorcees suffer Psychological issues
Majority of people will assume that divorce solves an intractable problem and therefore makes the partners happier when they go their separate ways. Research has revealed that most divorcees are not happier after their separation, with married persons found to be happier than divorced persons. Divorcees have more psychological issues, are lonelier, have poor self-efficacy and have overall lower levels of happiness than married couples. While some of these effects may be the result of prior marital experience. An individual who is happy to have left an abusive marriage. Should not feel lonelier than when he/she was in the marriage. This shows that some divorcees miss a part of the marriage, resulting in feelings of loneliness and depression and may want to go back if they are sure things will be better.
2. Divorce may lead to more economic hardship
A couple that has been married for a long time is more likely to have gathered some assets and will thus be financially stable. Divorce unsettles this growth process and compels both spouses to start all over again, either alone or with another person. This process can be difficult and depressing, leaving either couples unhappy. Also, the whole process of hiring a lawyer and sharing assets is expensive. Taking away valuable income, leaving either of you financially down and unhappy. Furthermore, in terms of child support, both parties are the losers. Imagine the agony of a parent when he/she cannot responsibly support her child’s education, health and welfare.
3. Failure of second marriages
Regrettably, investigations have shown that second marriages, overall, do not bring more stability and happiness. A decade or so ago, a lot of intellectuals believed that a quiet separation from an unhappy marriage will lead to stronger second marriages if individuals can find a better match. This never turned out to be the case, as the number of divorce from second unions became higher than for first marriages, with the split-up even coming faster.
4. Unhappy children result in Unhappy parents
It is also a well-known fact that the happiness of children rubs off on their parents, more so when those children are successful. Research has shown the children of divorced parents have low self-esteem, poor social skills and are likely to have poor problem-solving skills. This is probably because parental conflicts that were previously hidden from them is now in full glare. And they may be worried that it is their fault. This will mean that their divorced parents are not happy too since their happiness also depends on their children’ achievement.
5. History usually repeats itself
Usually, when individuals pass through difficulties in their relationships, it affects their attitudes, behavior, and character. It is very likely that these learned behaviors will surface in the second marriage. Unless the individual has undergone a significant self-healing process. If for example a woman felt that her husband was not faithful. She is likely to carry this insecurity to her second marriage and there lies the problem. A man who always wants to be in control of everything in his initial marriage. Is still likely to exhibit this tendency in his second marriage. Except he sees the need to make changes.
Take an Action that is Best for You and Your Children
Occasionally, time will naturally solve marital problems. For example, the cause of the problem may not necessarily be within the marriage or caused by the behavior of either spouses. The strain may come from unforeseen circumstances that the couple deal with poorly, such as the loss of a job by the husband, demise or a child or a dear family member, or even pressure of work. With time, these problems will go away and the marriage will be back or even better than the way it was. Furthermore, adjusting your attitudes or shifting grounds while making family decisions can improve a marriage.
However, it is always best to consider your best course of action, weighing in on the pros and cons before taking the decision to divorce or stay in the marriage.