Your wedding day should be all about celebrating the love between the couple. Fitting and ex into that equation may be tricky, right? You have friends, family, bosses, and colleagues on your guest list, but what about your ex? Is it ok to extend them an invitation?
Your wedding party should include people who support your marriage. It should be a happy day, not one filled with anxieties and ghosts from your past. Nothing should take the shine away from your beautiful day.
When thinking about inviting your ex to your wedding, you are likely to experience all kinds of anxieties. He/she is likely to be the only person on the list who has seen you naked! Your partner may also find it very inconvenient and unnerving to have your ex at your wedding, even if they are the most mature and secure partner in the world.
It may or may not be a good idea to invite your ex on your big day, but this depends on several factors. You, therefore, need to consider several things before deciding on whether or not to invite them. Take your time and think about how adding your ex to your guest list could affect your big day.
Here are some of the things to consider before adding him/her to the guest list
Is it important for them (Ex) to be there?
Consider your partner’s feelings about having your ex at the wedding. Are they adamant about it? Sometimes, it may be painful for your partner to see him/her there, and it would be best to honor their wishes. Honor does not begin with the vows, it begins in such circumstances.
You should not fight with your partner about this, it would appear like you are showing more loyalty to your ex.
How do you feel towards them?
Be honest with yourself. When you meet with your ex, how do you feel? Do you feel like there is a certain pull back to your romantic times? This does not mean that you are in love with them, but that kind of energy has no place on your big day. Do not send that invitation.
What was the relationship like?
If it was one of those relationships that led to an engagement, it is likely to be quite unnerving. This is so even for your family who may still be harboring some strong feelings for your ex. If it was that serious, it is advisable not to have them on your guest list.
However, if it was a casual relationship or someone you never went to bed with, let your partner know. Reassure your partner that they are the only ones in your life, but if he/she insists on not having your ex on the list, do not turn it into a fight.
You can also invite them if it was a high school or juvenile relationship, a fifth-grade boyfriend, or a prom date you had a crush on. In most cases, this is so far removed from the reality that it is actually laughable. If you are still friends, go ahead and invite them.
Is it good for your kids?
You may have been married to your ex, and they may be co-parenting with you. If the parting was amicable and you feel comfortable with your ex-spouse at the wedding, invite them. It would be great for the kids, especially the show of friendliness between mom and dad. It may not go down well with them if they feel like one of their parents has been left out.
Your ex-spouse’s presence at the wedding may be an assurance to the kids that all is well and that the wedding is a good thing, especially because they may be feeling nervous about it.
Have a discussion with your ex-spouse and your partner and find a way around this scenario.
Is everyone comfortable with it?
Think about how the key players at the wedding will react to your ex attending your nuptials. Put yourself in your parents’ shoes, how do you think they will feel? Will they be comfortable with it? How about your partner, your partner’s parents, your friends, your wedding party, and your closest friends?
If you feel like your ex’s presence will upset someone or that someone at the wedding may not enjoy their presence, leave them out of the guest list. You do not want your guests raising eyebrows as to why your ex is present.
Remember, you may be in good terms with your ex now, but some of your family and friends may still be holding a grudge against him/her because of that time that they hit you, cheated on you, or made you cry.
Will you be worried about how they or their date will act?
Ask yourself if you can trust your ex to enjoy the day politely and respectfully. Do they become a different person when under the influence of alcohol? If you are not sure of how they are likely to behave at your wedding, especially if alcohol is served, kindly leave them out of the guest list.
Your ex may also want to bring a date along, and you are not sure how the date will behave at your wedding. If you feel uncomfortable about them bringing their new boyfriend or girlfriend, it is important to keep them off the guest list.
Will you have trouble introducing them?
If your ex is not your friend, do not invite them. It will be awkward introducing them as ‘a friend’ while the only way you think of them is as your ex.
Therefore, having your ex at your wedding depends on so many factors, and should be discussed with your partner. Do not take the initiative to invite them without a discussion as this may cause friction and questions of loyalty may arise.
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